Sunday, January 2, 2011

snuggly/surly

There are plenty of catch-up posts to do, what with finishing Christmas, New Year, and Hong Kong trip stories. But here is a quick common update from Lo in the meantime:

Yesterday that Lo was eating some yogurt. This is the wonderful "Yo Baby" type of yogurt, made with whole milk and other goodness, including cute photos of babies on the label. Lo Lo pointed to a picture of a boy and his dog on the label of his yogurt container. I smiled and nodded, "that is a cute doggy in the picture." Then that Lo began snuggling his yogurt container the way he cuddles with a stuffed animal, stroking and patting it over his shoulder. And yes, some yogurt spilled in the process, but we don't mind a bit.

He is a very snuggly, huggy child, which mostly brings joy to all around him.  But we have noticed when he is tired, those hugs slowly morph into wrestling smackdown moves and the snuggles turn into head-butting.  Something to keep an eye on...I have so far just handled it by a) trying to keep him well rested and b) if I know he is tired and in social settings, stay within arm's reach to pull him away if he starts to get rough with a playmate.  I am not sure how to handle it actually, because on the one hand, I'd like to just excuse his behavior by saying, "Oh, poor little guy--I've let you get too tired."  I believe it is important to empathize with him, especially if he isn't feeling good.  But that attitude might sometimes lead me to discount his ability to control his emotions and behavior--an important life skill to learn.  Which he will hopefully be able to do increasingly well as he ages.  Anyway, I've ordered a few parenting books and am open to hear advice from the more experienced crowd if anybody's got it.

7 comments:

NessaAnn said...

The best advice my mother in law ever gave me was to "set your children up to succeed." That means getting them to bed on time, not shopping during nap time, and preparing ahead for challenging events (like long church meetings where kids are expected to be quiet and well-behaved.) I love the phrase "Children do the best they can." I think getting little tinies like Lo to behave is 99.999% parental preparation and .001% kid :) Lo is such a tiny baby. He needs your help to succeed. Once he gets 3 years old, then he can start being accountable for his behavior IMHO. Right now you can only expect him to recognize routines, and prepare yourself to help him be successful. Setting that foundation will help as he matures and recognizes good from bad behavior.

Nora said...

What a cute picture of Lo. I love when babies dress up in grown up outfits. I hear you about the whole trying to empathize with your baby but also wanting to teach him how to control himself. I don't know what to do about that either. I'm definitely at that stage where I'm not sure if I should excuse some of Reagan's behavior b/c "he's just a baby" or if I need to discipline/teach him that what he's doing is wrong. So anyways....let me know what you find out. : )

Valerie said...

I like the new star and title for your "attention grabber headliner!"
Discipline (parents and child, alike!) definitely is necessary, showing an increase of love afterwards --a lot of work, I know-- -- walking with the child and then helping them walk in the others shoes.

TheTamFam said...

Vanessa, ever my inspiration, why oh why can I not live nearer to you so that I can absorb some of your parenting smarts. Well, you totally validated the guilty feelings I was having--making me realize I SHOUld feel bad when Lo acts out because at his age, parents have power to prevent. Ok, renewed in my commitment to make sleep the priority. Probably should have just skipped that New Year's Eve party, in retrospect. Thanks for your listening ear too, Nora. I always feel better to realize I'm not alone in my questions about parenting. And our babies are the same age, so it makes sense we'd encounter the same issues. Mom, I appreciate the reminder to keep the gospel perspective. I'll be reading those books you recommended me awhile back in your emails. Thanks everybody!

TheTamFam said...

ps. Nessa: Recognize routines, recognize routines, recognize routines is my new mantra. My husband just said you are such a good writer--to the point, not offensive, but call to action. Great info. Thanks again for taking the time to respond.

Valerie said...

Good comments! I had children in my nursery class that were so in tune to themselves, that when nursery took place during nap time, they would settle themselves into a quiet corner.

Morgan said...

Great advice given so far (though, I have a 2 year old who is behaviorally old enough to be somewhat accountable for her behavior, but I know lots of 3 year olds that aren't so I would say that 3 is not exactly a hard and fast rule for when to start holding a little one accountable--it depends on the kid)! I would also add that sometimes you just plain can't circumvent or plan for every impediment or challenge that might come along and that, in those situations, discipline can still be a useful tool. Not discipline like, "You were naughty and you're in trouble" sort of thing, but the time out sort where they need to take a minute away from the stimulating atmosphere to regroup. I think that maybe goes along with helping them to succeed, but at the same time, it's a disciplinary approach to it. It's a way to teach a skill to even the littlest of littles so that as they grow, they will know what they can do when they start to feel like they can't take it anymore.